thirsty birds

"The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life." - Revelation 22:17

A Prayer:

Dear God

We thank you for water

For it's quiet and uncelebrated presence

For rain and rivers

For baths and beaches

For glasses of it gulped at midnight

and twilight

and at great heights.

We praise you for how it reflects the sun

For how it reflects the ripples of our souls

and for the way it reminds us

of a cleansing death,

flooding from the side of a Man.

Let it refresh us, O God,

in depth and in purity.

We look to it's magnitude

and glimpse an everlasting spring,

a fountain of eternal, living Water.

May we drink deep

and no longer grow thirsty.

Today I spent four hours alone with God. It was an amazing thing, and I honestly cherish those times more than I can really express. Like I said in my last post, the Lord is romancing me. I am falling in love with Him, and it feels so... right. Sometimes everything in me and in the world and in my life feels wrong. But this, this is what I was made for. 

"Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." - Deuteronomy  6:5 

God spoke to me about creativity. He told me He wants me to cultivate my creativity. I told Him I wasn't even sure I was a creative being. I sure do appreciate creativity, but I'm not so sure I can create. Then He defined creativity for me;

To be creative is to make something out of nothing.

It is to interpret something as beautiful.

It is to identify beauty.

It is to express an idea or emotion. 

So, I am creative. Good to know. (Actually, great to know, since we know for sure I ain't logical.) Photography is a new-found love of mine.

here is a photo I took today

 

I love it. But I'm not sure it's very special... I identify this as beautiful, but if we're being truthful, this is not my creation.

I struggled to get this shot. I yearned for it and knew in my mind what I wanted. It all depended on timing. I love the idea that the Lord can provide me with beautiful photographs. He knew what I was trying to capture, I even prayed (several times) that He would ask the birds to do as I wished. But I know He won't always line up creation just for me. He wants His beauty to be pursued. He wants to be longed for and waited for. He is a playful God. But I also know that  He loves to give us the desires of our hearts. He loves to stun us, to take our breath away.

So maybe photography, and creativity, is another way I can reflect God's glory.

desert bound

I love the way God chooses to work. I love His ideas... and the way He cares about even the seemingly trivial things in my life. I love His words and how He speaks them. I love His hands and what they create. I love His people, and what they create. I love that He loves to bless me. And, now, finally, I love that He loves me. I know now that I am worthy of His love, because I was created by Him, and He only creates things that are good.

God is romancing me. 

He is wooing me. 

He is alluring me into a desert.

It will not be dry and barren. I will not be lost and thirsty.

It will be satisfying and peaceful. I will be found and filled.

Just me and my Husband.

"The life that I have

Is all that I have

And the life that I have

Is Yours and Yours and Yours

The love that I have

Of the life that I have

Is Yours and Yours and Yours

A sleep I shall have

A rest I shall have

Yet death will be but a pause

For the peace of my years

In the long green grass

Will be Yours and Yours and Yours."

 - "The Life That I Have", a poem by Leo Marks

secondhand heart

I am at the end of myself. I have no more words, no more ideas, nothing left to say or try or give. And that is terrifying. I've been running full speed to avoid the void that is forming between me and my God. But somehow He comes to me anyway, edges His words into my day, convicts me as only He can do in His wonderful ways:

"He tells you that he needs you, he's a liar
He tells you he's a hero, he's a fool
He tells you he'll stay till the Lord's breaking day
Then babe he ain't nothing but cruel." 

"Roses and Cigarettes" - Ray Lamontagne

  

"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."

Matthew 6:24

  

"Your mind is swollen from months of thought without release." 
"Scarlet" - Brooke Fraser

"God gives us rain when we expect sun.

Give us music when we expect trouble.

Give us tears when we expect breakfast.

Give us dreams when we expect a storm.

Give us a stray dog when we expect congratulations.

God play with us, turn us sideways and around.

Amen." 

an excerpt from "Common Prayer Collection" by Michael Leunig 

(I named this post "secondhand heart" because these words are not written by my own hand,

but they do indeed speak in and of my heart.)

heartlights

My heart has become a mute. My head has become a bossy bully, running the show like a know-it-all. And my meek heart has submitted. Yesterday God asked my heart to speak for me, but my heart just told me to listen to whatever it was my head was saying.

I need to find a voice for my heart.  

When I was in high-school I used to write poetry everyday. I was inspired by next to nothing, and didn't give a damn what people thought about my work (or so I acted). But now I am full of self-doubt, dreading the thought of words being meticulously conjured and delivered, only to end up sounding, well... adolescent. But the Lord is calling me out of all that. He is fighting for my heart, not my head. 

So here is how I choose to love Him today:

"Heartlights", a poem by Sinead Easdon

patterns and people

straight lines and crooked streets

headlights, breaklights

nightlights and light nights

hear the familiar

pitterpatter

of whispered wonders

fall on this heart of grass

or glass

rain waters stream

through rivers in my soul

i am found, surrounded, caught

wordless

empty-handed

this spirit-breathing warrior

scales the walls of my Jericho

patterns and people

melt

into dusty

straight streets and crooked lines

breaklights turn

to head the light of my house

and 
finally
the nights fade into Light

no time ago

no time ago

or else a life

walking in the dark 

i met christ

jesus) my heart

flopped over

and lay still

while he passed (as

close as i'm to you

yes closer

made of nothing

except loneliness

- "no time ago", a poem by e.e. cummings

sweep me away

It has been a week of darkness and confusion. I wish God would sweep me away...in love, in fury, in grace, in wrath - it doesn't really matter...

"Father I love your ways
You came in your mercy,
and died in my place.
All I can do is bow
Because of your goodness,
and your sovereign grace.

Then you sweep me away
Sweep me away in your love,
where nothing else matters

Your grace it covers me,
your love it covers me,
Oh God you cover me."

"Sweep Me Away" - Kari Jobe