valley

I haven't really written on my blog for awhile. I've posted - pretty things, photos, quotes, some poems. But in general I haven't written a post because God hasn't told me too. 

Let me be being honest with you: I love this blog. So much. Maybe that's vain, maybe you're not supposed to say that, but whatever. I love my blog 'cos it's pretty and clever and it moves and changes with me. I love how it's so so so mine. I love the way it traces my lines, follows me, archives me, represents me. I like how I don't even have to have a reason for posting something, I don't have to explain my thoughts about a photo, I don't have to analyse or critique my own work. I can just be, and you can take it or leave it. I love how I don't really know if anyone reads this, and how that doesn't really matter. 

But lately, if you hadn't noticed, I have felt so stunted when I come here to write. Last year, God told me to begin this blog, a) so He could be glorified through my words, b) so He could show me how I am creative and gifted, and c) so that I could bless people with what I have been given. And so, as I've said a few times before, I can't (or shouldn't) really write anything here unless God leads me to do so. Sometimes I ignore that, and post because I am impatient and selfish (and sometimes that's okay). But I try to stay obedient  to God in this little way.

Over the past few months I have lost a lot of ground in my walk with the Lord. Those of you who do follow my blog know that I spent most of November and December in Thailand on a missions trip, and yeah, I am that kind of Christian. But the first two months of this year have been downright horrific for me, and now I am so far from God I feel like I've forgotten His very name.

I am writing this particular post because I want to remain true to myself, to God, and, I guess, to you my readers (if there are any of you). I want to be able to look back in a few years time at the journey I have taken. Therefore, I must not leave out the 'valleys' and speak only of my 'mountaintops'. So allow me this one random, insignificant, un-summarized, somewhat clumsy post simply because this blog is mine - it is me and mine and who I am.