gravity

We delight in the feeling of weightlessness.

Let us free fall through a universe of you.

May we walk lightly in our temporary tents.

May we learn to release to you burdens of all shapes and sizes.

Open our eyes to the bricks that break our backs.

Help us surrender these heavy loads.

Make us weak and needy, that we may be unable to live a moment without you. 

May we denounce our declarations of strong independence.

Remind us of your easy yoke. 

Show us our ancient, broken chains of slavery.

Let us taste a day of full freedom.

Give us an hour where the anchor of guilt does not weigh us down.

Grant us an endless moment of zero-gravity.

Amen.

"Unfurl

Let your arms grow wide

At the sight of enormity

Spread your wings on the mountain peaks

And give in to the beacon of the wind"

- Danielle Brown

"And I'm free, free falling."

- Thom Petty

suspend

and so it was 

you and me

drifting like children's balloons

above a neon crowd.

they pulsated to pumping popbeats

slick with salty sweat

and sweet wet tongues.

but you and me

we hung and hovered above

wallflowers

blooming on the ceiling.

but

then

in a radical display

of courageous rebellion

you popped your own flexi-shell

and showered fresh

on a gasping, grateful mass

and i

was left,

suspended.

bride

I am finding that God is not what I thought He was. He is way better.

He does not need me to be anything, do anything, say anything. He just wants my love. He just wants me to know Him and take the gifts He is giving. He just wants me to let Him love me in all His peculiar and intricate and lovely ways. He wants me to know who I am, to discover all the treasures He has hidden in my soul. He wants me to be exactly as weird and absurd and dramatic as I am. He wants me to be true, to Him, and to myself.

Sometimes He wants me to let my stubborn desires go. Sometimes He wants me to release to Him that which I am holding so tightly. Sometimes He wants me to look beyond myself. Sometimes He needs me to hurt and break and cry. Sometimes He must correct and chastise. Sometimes He leaves me, lets me lose my way so that I must make the choice to go back to Him. But other times He wants shower and lavish me with all things good, like the Daddy who treats his little girl on her birthday.

He does not stand aloof, hands on hips, taking notes on all my failings, all my disobediences, all my misdemeanours. He does not write long 'honey-do' lists, as though I am merely a servant in my master's house. No. He stoops to wash my feet. He sings over me. He humbles Himself. He runs forward to me with extravagant love, unending faithfulness, amazing grace. He bows like a gentleman, then asks for my hand. And slowly, excruciatingly, I learn to say yes. I learn to trust that I am okay just as He has made me. I learn to rest in His promises. I learn to believe that His intentions towards me are always good, even if it doesn't look that way. I learn to allow my love for Him mean enough to be called His friend, His daughter, His Bride.

ebenezer

"Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love;

Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."

- Robert Robinson

grass

I am full of longing for Thailand. 

Again.

 I am missing my third home with an aching heart. 

I feel so far from it, so far away from ever going back. 

I miss the rawness of it, I miss feeling foreign, I miss unfamiliarity and aliveness. 

I wanna get my hands dirty again, shake up this extremely normal, comfortable life I've formed for myself. 

But of course, the grass is always greener, and I fail to see what I have been given right where I stand.

So God has planted me. 

He has broken my back and said stay and wait. 

I hate that. I know it's for good reason. I know I need to learn contentment and obedience. But my travel bug has flared up again, my Thailand obsession whispers in my sleep, and Melbourne is getting all too boring for this adventurous soul.

"...You have bedded me down in lush meadows, you find me quiet pools to drink from. True to your word, you let me catch my breath..."

- Psalm 23:2, 3 (MSG)

portable

Wanna know something super cool about God? He's portable. You can take Him anywhere you go. And He's not very heavy. In fact, if you ask nicely, He might carry some of the crap you've got with you.

But in all seriousness people, this was somewhat of a revelation to me today. Of course I know you can pray anytime, anywhere. Of course I know God never leaves us and He's always available. But I seem to live my relationship with God as though I must come and go from Him. When I finish my prayer, I leave His presence, I don't take Him with me. But no more, says me. If He wants to come along for the rollercoaster ride that is my life, then who am I to leave Him at home?

phantom

golden
the waiting wears me down

down to the depths of me

the ache is mine to bear

and bare me it does

mighty promises follow 

hanging off my back

twisting me cautious 

to the left and to the right

my tempters crouch

poised to pounce
to feast on my soul

to snatch away good gifts

and golden truths

but i don't play to lose

i don't fight to surrender
i don't live to die

i resist and flee

it's worth it to me

phantom
is this the twilight of our days apart?
will you come whole and filled?
will your hands heal these wounds,
or make new ones?
does your mind ponder like mine?
do your eyes delight in the sun?
where do you dwell, distant lover?
how do you move, phantom man?
do you linger idle, or search ardent?
shall i wait here or there?
the platform, the threshold?
or shall i carry on
drifting on
this endless ocean of dreams

covet

i gorge myself 
on all the pretty things
devour the sounds of heaven
wishing these hands could make
i drown myself 
in what is not mine
numb this body with sharp beauty
and violent romance