bride

I am finding that God is not what I thought He was. He is way better.

He does not need me to be anything, do anything, say anything. He just wants my love. He just wants me to know Him and take the gifts He is giving. He just wants me to let Him love me in all His peculiar and intricate and lovely ways. He wants me to know who I am, to discover all the treasures He has hidden in my soul. He wants me to be exactly as weird and absurd and dramatic as I am. He wants me to be true, to Him, and to myself.

Sometimes He wants me to let my stubborn desires go. Sometimes He wants me to release to Him that which I am holding so tightly. Sometimes He wants me to look beyond myself. Sometimes He needs me to hurt and break and cry. Sometimes He must correct and chastise. Sometimes He leaves me, lets me lose my way so that I must make the choice to go back to Him. But other times He wants shower and lavish me with all things good, like the Daddy who treats his little girl on her birthday.

He does not stand aloof, hands on hips, taking notes on all my failings, all my disobediences, all my misdemeanours. He does not write long 'honey-do' lists, as though I am merely a servant in my master's house. No. He stoops to wash my feet. He sings over me. He humbles Himself. He runs forward to me with extravagant love, unending faithfulness, amazing grace. He bows like a gentleman, then asks for my hand. And slowly, excruciatingly, I learn to say yes. I learn to trust that I am okay just as He has made me. I learn to rest in His promises. I learn to believe that His intentions towards me are always good, even if it doesn't look that way. I learn to allow my love for Him mean enough to be called His friend, His daughter, His Bride.