paul

I quite love Paul. 

Paul was God's chosen instrument to take to the Gentiles the most fatally important, most complicatedly simple, most unspeakably loving message of all time. At the dawn of his calling, Paul was literally a serial killer. But Jesus looked upon this outrageously passionate man storming around Israel shooting down 'heretics' in the name of God. And Jesus thinks, "hey I could use a guy like that". So He blinds him, sits him down and gives him a good talking to. A few days later, Paul has completely abandoned his original cause and switched to the other side. Paul stands in the synagogue bellowing out the very words he was once killing people for saying. So clearly Paul was not a fearful man. But when he first approached the Corinthians with his precious message, he was awkward, unsure, and ineloquent.

"I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling."

- 1 Corinthians 2:3

"...I was scared to death if you want the truth of it."

- 1 Corinthians 2:3 (MSG)

I think Christians are pretty hard on themselves. We all look so closely at our failures and weaknesses. We declare it 'humility' to scrutinise ourselves, label our can'ts and meekly nod at our cans. We think ourselves too young, too shy, too uneducated, too small. We think we must to wait until we are "ready" before we can begin to serve. We sign up on God's volunteer list only for the things we (subconsciously) deem ourselves capable of. But I wonder if we truly knew who we were in Christ, if we truly knew the grace and power of the One we are hoping to serve, would we still be making claims to such fallibilities? 

Question: have you ruled out the possibility of God using you for something because you think you are not able, or "made" to do it? Do you think of yourself, your personality (faults and flaws as well as strengths and assets), as a set entity? 

I wrote a post a few months ago about the way I have limited God's power by saying I can do something without Him. But lately I have seen that when I assign myself to a certain kind of service, I am limiting God's scope, i.e. I am limiting His power by saying I can't do something, even with Him. I am saying to Him that I don't believe He is enough to stretch me further beyond who I perceive myself to be. The truth is, where I end - where I give up standing on my own - is exactly the point where God can begin. The Holy Spirit can there step in and bridge even the widest gap.  

Paul did not have a New Testament to help him to get his head around the New Covenant. He did not have years to study, scholarise himself, rehearse his sermons and fancy 'Christianese'. All Paul got was a few convos with some peeps who knew a bit about Jesus' life (no one fully understood what His death meant when Paul got on board). That, and the Holy Spirit. Paul was afraid, he stumbled on his words (much like Moses and Jeremiah). But in the ways where Paul was not able to work on his own is the exact place where God intervened. True, Paul was chosen by God and used in this way because he was unusually passionate. But it was only by his faith in God, not in himself, that he was able to fulfil his calling. If he had trusted in himself, tell me how far he would have gotten? So tell me also, how far can you go trusting in yourself? Never, ever underestimate the strength and power of God. Do not look down on yourself and think you have nothing to give or nothing of use. All God asks for is faith. If you have that, you can command mountains to move.