box

if life was lighter and dark was nighter

then I should know the way out.

if grace were louder and death was cruder

then I could make sense of it all.

but love is quiet, and the world is shouting

and He won't let me cover my ears.

so I sit here bewildered

unspeechless, unhindered

and make my own sweet choices.

He ushers me along, like a funny old man

a wrinkled hand upon my head.

so then life becomes subtle

and we teeter the edge

we wait for the flash of brilliance

he hushes my lips

and he quiets my heart

with a simple rush of silence.

"Maybe God doesn't need you to understand."

I pfft-ed it at first. I thought "of COURSE He wants me to understand!"

But now that I sit in my poetry-place, it seems perfectly eloquent. Perhaps God does not need us to know in detail what is going on in the spiritual world around us. Maybe God doesn't require us to fully understand what He is up to in every moment, every relationship, even situation. 

"We sometimes tend to think we know all we need to know to answer these kinds of questions—but sometimes our humble hearts can help us more than our proud minds. We never really know enough until we recognize that God alone knows it all."

- 1 Corinthians 8:2-3

I have been floundering about trying to make sense of where God is leading me, why He is filling my life with this and that. In a weird desperation to pin it all down with my pen, I pressed God on and on for answers. But of course it is our faith and love, rather than our comprehension or knowledge that most pleases Him. He is a lamp to our feet, not our entire path. He shows us the next step, not the next mile.

So, let us step out in faith - even when that step appears to takes us out onto some rickety roof or risky ledge. Let us tread lightly, be open to His rebuke, and nimble to follow after our mysterious God. Let us not box Him, let us not grill Him. Let us wait in eager faith for His guidance and commands. But, may we not stand still in timid hesitance. Let our High Priest make us bold as we approach His throne, for we walk in freedom of the freest kind. Let us remember that He is God over all: over all that we cannot know, all that we cannot see, all that we will never understand. Wholly, and only, let us trust in Him.