walk

I just watched a film that made me cry. (I wish I could say that I never cry in movies, but apparently that is no longer true.) Soul Surfer is a docudrama about the pro surfer Bethany Hamilton. She lost her left arm from a shark attack when she was thirteen. She is a Christian, and has let God use this tragedy to bless and inspire people all around the world.

I have had a hard month, but not because I got my arm chopped off or anything even in that vicinity. I've had a hard month because things didn't go the way I thought they would, and rather than turning to God to lead me on, I turned away from Him. I got knocked off my board, but rather than get right back up, I let myself sulk around in the water.

When asked the question "what does your relationship with God look like?", I often think of Peter walking on water. Unsure of who is in the distance, Peter says "Lord if it's you tell me to come to you on the water". Jesus replies, "come". Christ asks us to step out of the boat, to let go of what we call safety and come find Him. 

Thailand is my equivalent of walking on water. People say it's crazy, it's impossible, don't be stupid, be safe and get back in the boat. But God is there, and sometimes He is all I can see. So I step out in faith. And I am finding that it is only when I am walking on the Rock, intangible and ethereal, that I am able to know the true Christ. It is only when my whole world rests on His faithfulness to me, that I am able to let Him be His full self. But then Peter see the waves, he sees the storm and he starts to doubt. I see my bank account, or I look at other missionaries and I realise how crazy I'm acting. So I take my eyes off Him, I let my trust be in worldly things, in my own capabilities and that is when it all falls apart.

"...when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!' Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. 'You of little faith,' he said, 'why did you doubt?'"

- Matthew 14:30-31

Jesus is always there to catch me. 

There is value in failing. There is worth in trying to walk where Christ leads even if it doesn't work out. Our faith is stretched and strengthened when we take steps towards Him, even if they are only three faithful ones before our doubt lets us sink. God's true joy is found in our getting back up again. If Bethany Hamilton didn't let one less arm keep her on dry land, why should I let a disappointment hold me back from where God is leading?