this is not about me
this is not about me
this is not about me
Why do I have to be reminded of that? Why is it so easy to forget that?
This is God's story.
This is God's people being reconciled to Himself.
This is God's heart,
God's creation,
God's plan,
God's money,
God's body,
God's love.
This is not mine. I am an instrument.
When I was a young, "wide-eyed" Christian I used to write letters to a friend because I believed God wanted to speak with her, and I was willing to let Him use me to do so. Before I would sit down to write, I would tell God that I was His 'secretary', His typist, and that whatever He wanted to say, He just had to say it and I was there, merely to put the pen to the page, the fingers to the keyboard, and then to be the 'postal service'.
I love love this idea. But I find it incredibly hard to do this with (hate the term) cold evangelism, because there is a real, living, breathing, judging, staring person standing right there, waiting impatiently for me to get out the 'message'. I find it hard to be empty of my own thoughts and motives and emotions in order to let God speak and move through me in those moments. They overwhelm me.
I feel like Moses.
"Moses said to the LORD, 'O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.'
The LORD said to him, 'Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.'
But Moses said, 'O Lord, please send someone else to do it.'"
- Exodus 4:10-13
I feel like Jeremiah.
"'Ah, Sovereign LORD,' I said, 'I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.'
But the LORD said to me, 'Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,' declares the LORD."
- Jeremiah 1:6-8
I feel like I'm failing.
But I feel like this is not about me
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