bulldoze

"It's the sweetest thing to trust you; 

just to know you've got everything under control. 

You say: 'I've got you my baby, I've got you. 

It's quite the mess you're in, but it's nothing love can't fix. 

So sit here on my shoulders and watch as it all unwinds.' 

I know you're making me a mountain that cannot be shaken."

- Kristene Mueller

Three months ago I was so broken and angry I could barely breathe. Then one day, I fell upon my carpet, naked and bloodied, and told Him I couldn't do it any more. I couldn't live how He wanted me to because the world had simply taken my heart and wrung it of all joy, strength, hope and passion. I told Him He'd better fight for me if He really wanted me, cos I was done.

But my God, do I have a wonderful God. He took me by the hand, drove me into the wilderness (or the river by my house, which felt like the wilderness at the time), and whispered things to me. His very breath began to heal the open wounds. He breathed over me, and cried over me and warmed my cold hands. We sat speechless and quiet, because it was all too much for words. And then hand in hand, He marched back into my world, with me trailing behind. He bulldozed through my life. He picked up all the broken pieces and used His super-special super-glue. He rained over the blood and dirt and scum I had let pile up. He took my heart and threw it out. Then He reached into His very chest, brought out His own beater, and planted it within me. Then He told me over and over and over and over, in 862 languages, in 476 ways, at 3am and 10pm, in a scream and a song, in a banner over my head, "I LOVE YOU." And now nothing else matters.

Friends, let go. You cannot do this on your own. I tried, for years and years to serve and follow and know God out of the strength I could muster for myself. But it took my faith, my family, and my friendships to all cave and crash in on me like a tsunami for me to realise that we can only live by God's strength. We can only love by God's love. We can only breathe by God's breath. Let Him make you a mountain, a firm faith that you can stand upon, where nothing can move or shake you.