tomorrow

"Our time is but a breath so we'd better breathe it."

- Brooke Fraser

"As the body without the Spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead."

- James 2:26

I am deeply worried about the life I am currently living. My whole being is repelled by the thought of living a life where one merely takes from God all that is on offer, and gives nothing back. I am not content with a faith that produces little or no fruit. I cannot bear the thought of being a Sunday-Only Christian. I want God and all He is to be all through me, all through my life. I don't want one sliver of myself to be withheld from Him. 

The past two years of my life have been centred around mission. Of course they were far from perfect years, and there was so much more that I could have done. But I loved the way almost everything I was doing pointed to God in some way. I was pushed beyond myself, my means and about 80 k's out of my comfort zone. I learnt what it meant to truly need God, and I marvelled at the way He always, always came through for me. 

But this year, it's all about me: my education, my money, my future, my time. Part of me likes to argue that it's all still for God; that I am merely preparing for my long-term, (somewhat distant) future mission by getting this degree. I say it's all part of an extravagant Serving God Scheme. But the more honest part of me knows that there is not a lot of soulful labour going on in my life right now. My faith is not costing me very much. And this part of me knows that I cannot postpone all service, all works and deeds until I'm ready and 'adequately' educated to serve and teach in Thailand. Because, of course, I do not know a thing about tomorrow. I cannot even say "tomorrow I will live." So how can I say "in four years I will begin serving God with my whole life"?

"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."

- James 4:13-14

Life does not start in a few years when uni is over. Life is now. I am it, so I'd better breathe it in. I must learn to struggle against apathy and idleness. I must challenge myself not to squander this life, my gifts and time and money away. I must make a daily choice to use all that God has given me. I must decide that today is the day that I will take what I am blessed with, and let those blessings multiply and flow onto Him and His people.