speechless

I am speechless. I know that's not a very good way to start a blog post. But tell me, how do you gather your thoughts and muster words to explain the most important revelation you have ever received in your life? You might think I'm being dramatic, cos I do do that quite often. But in all honesty, I usually have just the right combo of words to describe my thoughts or experiences. But this, this thing God has spoken to me, is so huge, so all-encompassing of who I am and how I will be used for Him, that I don't quite know how to... spit it out.

So bear with me.

I have wondered for years how I will be used. I have to backtrack into a bit of "My Life Story" to explain this fully. When I was 15, I heard a sermon about God having "big plans" for us, and that we should pray and ask Him to reveal them to us. I went home and I said, "Lord, how will I serve you in my life?" And the Lord said, "through your education." 

This is a very significant moment in my walk with God, because it was the very first time I heard His voice, the first time He'd answered my prayer with words. I wasn't entirely sure what He meant by those words, but at that point in my life I was loving school, loving drama classes, loving learning. So I was stoked. Going to school, studying hard - that was how God wanted me to serve Him. Sweet. But, of course, my question wasn't "how will I serve you in my life now." And so those words I received four years ago have only been fully revealed to me four days ago. God has finally given me His full answer to that old prayer.

This is how I will serve the Lord:

I will do a primary teaching degree. Then I will move to Thailand and open a primary school in a poorer area that is in need of a school. I will teach. I will show my children how to question (which is not taught in Thai schools today). I will give them tools to dig deep into their hearts, and them that not everything they are told in their culture is true. I will tell them about Jesus. And I will see their parents come to Christ, either through their own children, as they grow and develop knowledge and a love of the Lord, or through my own evangelizing. When they come to pick up their children, I want them to ask me, "why do you love my kid so much?" And I can say, "'cos Jesus does."

There is actually a lot (lot lot lot) more to this (and I will be dang happy to share them with you if you're interested :)). I will have more than one ministry, and God has given me a lot of specifics. But this is the main part. It is so important. It is so profound to me. It draws all my parts together, and I finally understand who I am. I see now why I have been blessed so abundantly all my life - so that I may be made into a blessing for people in Thailand. God birthed me into a wealthy society that educates it's citizens well, so that I may gain the knowledge to teach children, to learn a new language: He has blessed me with money and provisions for so long so that I may be able to be a blessing to His people. How simple. And finally I do not feel guilty for having so much.

It fits so perfectly into what God has been doing in me over the past 4 years, particularly since my last missions trip. I can't even summarize all the ways that this perfect. Everything clicks into place. It shows me how thought out my life is. God has had plans for me since before I was born. He uses everything for His purposes: small instances, quiet thoughts, even the words of unbelievers. It fills me with such... seriously, I'm speechless. I feel like this is the very thing I was made for. The exact reason for all my quirks and talents and passions and loves. This is it. 

There is so much work left to do before I'll be ready to come back to this country, so I am grateful for the four-year degree in Melbourne I have ahead of me. There are also a truck load of obstacles laying before this mission. The biggest one being the law in Thailand that says it is illegal for a foreigner to take away a job from a Thai person. Also, the issue of money, since I will be incurring a big student loan, and moving to another country is no cheap feat. And, let's just say I am praying for dear life that I won't be sent alone!

 I have so much more to say, for this is truly scraping the surface of what God has said. But I think I will stop now, since I do like to talk with spoken words as well, and shall save the nitty-gritty for my real-life conversations with you lovely people.

"...'I have made you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth.'"

- Acts 13:37